In this post, I'm hoping to provide some information on how to stop thinking irrationally.
My advice is to... just stop thinking!
Okay, okay, I was obviously joking. So in therapy today, we went over this whole distorted thinking again, which will help a lot with this blog: Today, we went over the Negative Feedback Loop. This loop/cycle starts with a negative thought, which leads to negative actions that lead to negative results that lead to negative feelings, which then leads you into a downward spiral. Because that's all this cycle does...well in reality...that's what all cycles do- however some go up (when there is positivity of course)
Negative thought--> negative actions--> negative results--> negative feelings--> negative thoughts
Ideally, to stop the negative cycle we are in, we'd obviously have to stop the negative thinking. However, that isn't always easy especially since negative thoughts (or any kind of thoughts for that matter) become automatic over time. So, it's going to be hard to just go straight to the top and stop the cycle there because a lot of us are unaware of what/how we think. Some of us have convinced ourselves to believe that what we think is exactly who we are- which is so far from the truth, but we are capable of getting to a state of mind where we believe it.
Listed below are nine ways to go from "stinkin thinkin" to "awesome thinking". Please be aware that this process, like everything, takes time and commitment to break.
I will admit, sometimes it's really hard to pin point the exact distorted thought that was being used, especially since so many of the 16 cognitive distortions relate to one another very closely. In such a case, instead of freaking out and yelling "WHICH ONE IS IT??" and causing yourself a panic attack, it's best to simply just say- "Ah that was a negative thought"
1) Identify our Cognitive Distortion
As just mentioned, one of the first ways to end this cycle of thinking is being able to identify which distorted thinking process we are using. Being aware is key and is the first step to the healing process. Once we can be aware of our thoughts, we can put a label on them. Next time we have this labeled thought- we can then catch ourselves and ask ourselves-do we want to act on this thought or change the thought to something more positive so we have a more positive outcome?
2) Examine The Evidence
Examine the thought and see if you have the right evidence based on actions/behaviors and statements to support it or not.
For this method- a good way to examine the evidence is to challenge the thought. So, for example if I say "You always eat my cookies" I'd look at that and ask myself if it's really true? Now if I was talking to my little sister, it is..hehe jk.
3) Double Standard Method
This requires you talking to yourself as you would to a friend. I would hope that when you talk with your friends, you talk in a kind, soft compassionate manner. (Unless you have friend that is hard of hearing- you'd then speak louder). But, because you are speaking to yourself you'd speak in a soft, kind compassionate manner.
4) Thinking in Shades of Gray
If you tend to be an all or nothing thinker, try to remind your self that there are no absolutes, (except for vodka and math problems) use scales from 0-10 as a way to block this type of thinking. For some people a scale from 0-100 is a better suit for them! But for the rest of us that can't count beyond 10, the 0-10 scale will work just fine!
5) Survey Method
This requires talking to others, preferably trusted family/friends, and asking them if you are thinking logically or not. So if I think "I've got a big butt," I'd go to one of my friends/family members and ask them...in which case they wouldn't have to say anything...they'd play Sir-Mix-A-Lot's popular song and I will then have confirmation that yes my thought is realistic...
I do have a big butt...and I can not lie.
You other brothers can't deny.
When I walk in with an in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed...
(Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!
Oh yeah..I did just do that!
6) Re-attribution
Instead of putting all the blame on yourself for a problem- think about the factors that may have contributed to it...Yeah I don't really like this one
7) Cost-Benefit Analysis or Decisions Balance Sheet
List both pros and cons to the feelings, thoughts and/or behaviors.
8) The Semantic Method, also known as Rephrasing things positively
I think this is my favorite one because it has been the most beneficial
This method entails substituting language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. Because I tend to beat myself up a lot- I use a lot of Should/shouldn't statements. Instead of saying "I should/you should" I'd substitute the shoulds and say "It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake"
Other examples of positive rephrasing include the following
| Obligation-Inducing Phrasing | Positive Rephrasing |
| “I need to call my friend tonight.” | “I want to call my friend tonight.” |
| “I should get to bed by 11 tonight so I’m not sleepy and miserable all day tomorrow.” | “I’d like to get to bed by 11 tonight so I’ll be happy and awake tomorrow.” |
| “I want to sleep in, but I can’t because I have to go to work today.” | “I want to sleep in, but I also want to keep my job, so I’ll choose to go to work today because I want that more than I want to sleep in.” |
| Limiting Phrasing | Positive Rephrasing |
| “I’m a horrible cook.” | “I haven’t chosen to spend much time cooking, so I’m not very well-practiced at it.” |
| “I suck at math.” | “I’m not great at math because I haven’t spent much time studying it, and I don’t want to because I don’t enjoy it at all.” |
| “It’s impossible for me to be honest all the time; I’m a Scorpio!” | “I sometimes choose to be dishonest, but that’s my responsibility and I could choose otherwise if I wished to.” |
| “I can’t go to the movies, I don’t have enough time! I have to work!” | “I’m choosing to prioritize my work over going to a movie right now.” |
| “I can’t make it to your party, because I… uh… have plans.” | “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m more in the mood to stay home and relax instead.” |
Limiting Phrasing Positive Rephrasing “You made me mad by doing that.” “I felt mad when you did that
All other information adapted from Dr. David Burn's Feeling Good Handbook
Thank you for reading!
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