Reconsider- entry 2

For today's journal entry from Beautiful You, I am asked "What holds you back?" (71: reconsider..Reconsider what is standing in the way of your happiness.")

For those of you who have not read Beautiful You journal entry 1, I recommend you take a look at it so you have an idea of what this blog and Beautiful You is all about.

At first, I thought the answer was quite simple...  It's FEAR.

(Did any of you think the same thing?)

Once, however, I dug deeper into my soul, I realized that this is just the tip of the iceberg.  What's holding me back is much bigger than fear.  It's hulk size..no wait..it's Godzilla size...it is me.  It is me that is holding me back.  It's my mind... my distorted thoughts (fear stems from distorted thinking),  and my judgements that are holding me back.

Realizing this is quite scary and painful because for so many years I've allowed my thoughts to control my actions and reactions.  I've allowed myself to become a prisoner inside my own mind, body and soul.  I've allowed myself to be paralyzed...I've allowed myself to go insane.  My mind use to come up with so many other excuses as to what's holding me back.  My mind framed every other aspect of life.  It's my environment that is holding me back...it's this person that is holding me back..it's that person that is holding me back...it's my job that is holding me back..it's my age that is holding me back...it's my grass that is holding me back..it's fear that is holding me back.  My mind pointed the fingers at every person, place and thing...except for itself.  My mind has been a hypocrite all of this time.

So..now that 31 years have come and gone...I'm left at ground 0.  The positive outlook of all of this, is that at least I have become aware. The downside to all of this is what's next? What do I do?  I can't get 31 of my years back...I can't get even 1 day back..not even 1 nanosecond. 

I know what to do!!!! .....I need to perform surgery on my mind!!! 

Now if  only it were that easy.


What I need to do now..is take action.  Instead of letting my thoughts talk the talk.  I need to put my foot down and take action. I need not let my thoughts consume me anymore. However, the thought of doing all of this is very overwhelming.  Where do I put my foot? Where do I start? I want to do so much..I want to do everything.  See...see how easy these distorted thoughts creep up on me? This is going to take some HARD work. This is going to require boxing gloves.  Distorted thoughts...you guys are going DOWN!!!

 I'll keep you posted on what plan of action/where I put my foot in tomorrow's blog entry. 
Thank you for reading!