Well...to be honest, I didn't take much action; however, I did think!!! Woohooo!!
Action does begin with a thought!!
My one thought that came to mind was an idea about volunteering at a children's hospital. I then thought of the idea of painting/drawing pieces of art for the children I get in contact with because I love to draw and paint.
When I told my mom about this idea... I was shot down. "Do something where you make money."
My response was.."well maybe someone will eventually see my art and donate 1 million dollars to me."
In all honesty, I don't like doing things for money...I don't like money. I could say it's a self worth issue, but I don't think it really is. I see what money does...or rather I see what people do with money and it makes me sad. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong lens.
I just don't understand business, money, and the whole concept behind it. Sure we're told it makes the world go around...but does it really? And whose world does this statement refer to? Because it surely isn't my world. Empathy, compassion, peace, love and joy is what makes my world go around..but maybe this is all a distorted thought. Maybe I'm not radically accepting reality.
Today on fb, a friend asked me if I was selling this painting I created.
Due to the fact, that I'm in a financial dilemma, I stated "Yes... I'm going to start selling my work. I just haven't figured out pricing. I have to figure the whole selling stuff out.. I use to just give my art away..but since times are tough..I kind of need to start selling... So if anyone has any advice on selling....please let me know."
I have trouble with the whole idea of selling artwork etc. To me doing art is a way I'm able to express myself. I firmly believe the talent I have is a gift that was given to me; I believe all talents are gifts given to us.
There is something about doing art that takes me into a different dimension. It takes me to my passion...it takes me to my soul. And my soul...does not come with a price tag. I believe gifts are meant to be shared and not charged. But living in the world we do...it's hard to get by just on sharing.
So this is something I have to work through.
But going back to the volunteering at children's hospitals, I did take the action by looking at a few hospitals in the area. I just have to take further action to contact them!
On a totally unrelated note:
Now that summer is approaching and I'm doing half days now at my program, I am looking at finding jobs. Jobs, like relationships scare the shit out of me. I have commitment phobia...or maybe it's just the fact that I'm not a career oriented woman (I think it's both). I like to help people, but I don't like being restricted to an 8 hour a day, 40 hours a day rule. Who came up with this shit to begin with? And why must we all be cattle waiting to be slaughtered following this "way of life."
The other night, a neighbor of mine came over and suggested I work at the mall. I was shocked. This person obviously doesn't know me. I hate malls...okay hate is a strong word. I dislike malls, I dislike vanity, I dislike consumerism. I felt insulted.
As I'm getting older, I'm starting to understand the whole "time is valuable/time is precious" concept. With this, I do not want to waste my time working away at a soul sucking job. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a snob..but it's true. Does working at these types of jobs really help make me a better person? No. (I'm sorry if this offends anybody who works in retail). I think jobs like this jade people. It's all about want, want, want, want. Nope..not the job for me.
Tomorrow, I have a 2nd interview at a sports complex. I'm interviewing for the party hostess position. I think this job for me is ideal at the moment...it's much better than working at a mall idea. It's just on weekends and it involves assisting with organizing children's birthday parties and hosting them. In my first interview I told the owner that I'm a kid at heart...so it would be good to work around people my age. So I will keep you posted on how it goes.
A part of me wants to be doing so much more. I have what I call the "Mother Teresa complex." I want to save the world. I want to help so many people, but I have to remind myself I can not. I can only really help myself. We are all accountable for ourselves when it comes down to it. As some of you who have been reading my blogs may also know...I have the "geographic cure complex." I just want to move from place to place. So I am reminding myself baby steps. I'm reminding myself that it'll all be okay. Take this opportunity and see what other door opens.
To end this entry, I want to do my Beautiful You - entry #3. (#137: Consider Careers)..what a coincidence!!!
So for today, I am asked to list 10 careers that I would love to have. I am then to look over the list and consider what it can teach me about myself. The questions to consider "Are you living in a way that plugs into what this list tells you? If so, how? If not, what's the first step you can take to start doing so?
The following are in no particular order:
1) Vacation Tester
2) Mattress Tester
3) Companion
4) Massage Therapist
5) Art Therapist/Art Teacher/Artist
6) Social Worker
7) Orphan worker
8) Yoga Instructor/Dance Teacher
9) Nomad
10) Special Ed Teacher
11) Author/Motivational Speaker.
12) Wildlife rescuer/animal rescuer
13) Horseback guide instructor
14) horse/animal whisperer
15) Peace activist/Tree hugger
Okay..I may have cheated..I listed 15, not 10. I wish it was humanly possible to accomplish all of this and I wish I could be able to jump from one job to the other ever 2-3 months. However, I realize this is all wishful thinking.
So what does this list teach me?
I think it teaches me that I'm a giving, empathetic, caring person. I'm a healer. I like to help those less fortunate.
I like to be free.
Am I living in a way that plugs into what this list tells you?
I am in the process. I think going to therapy is helping me a lot. It's teaching me the skills to heal myself- my inner child, my body, my mind, my soul. Therapy is allowing me to blossom. It's giving me strength and courage and is inspiring me to live another day longer.
Thank you for reading!
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