Disordered eating patterns.

Last week, I came to a point in in therapy where I realized I was pretty confident with the DBT skills I  have learned.  With the help of writing about what I've learned, I pretty much had the skills memorized.  So...since I learned what the skills are and how to utilize them, it was time for me to move on to other problem areas of my life. 


My therapist mentioned to me awhile back about the Emotional Eating program the center offers.  Although I never thought I'd ever admit to having eating problems, I caved in.  At my family meeting a few weeks back, my mother brought up my eating habits to my therapist...and I know I have a problem....I've had a problem with eating for as long as I can remember.  As mentioned in my previous blogs, Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Pulling Petals, I talk about my problems with body image issues and with such issues comes poor eating habits.


The following is a brief overview of what emotional eating is:
Emotional eating is something that occurs in eating disorders...it's not really a disorder in of itself.  Most problems are prompted by feelings rather than physical hunger. Eating disorders have been connected with what's called alexithymia.  This is the inability to identify feelings as well as having difficulty discriminating between physical sensations and emotions.   People can also develop eating disorders when they try to escape or soothe an emotional experience by preoccupying themselves with food or obsessing over their shape and weight. 

 People who have disordered eating patterns tend to have high demands of themselves along with high levels of self awareness.  Since expectations are so high, they become increasingly aware of perceived inadequacies.  With this, people may either increase or decrease their eating as a result of distress.  Overall, binging and restricting food is used as a way to manage emotions.



I remember when I was young, probably around 8 or 9 and flushing food down the toilet. I'd stuff my mouth with food go to the bathroom spit it out and flush it...or I'd strategically stuff my chewed up food in my napkin then head to the bathroom and flush it all down. I don't know what it was..but I just didn't like food.  Candy, on the other hand, I loved.

In  high school, I'd sleep a lot to avoid eating.  My eating habits got worse in college..specifically my sophomore year.  I was on a eating plan that consisted of eating a plain bagel in the morning and a few pieces of lettuce and carrots for dinner. This went on a for a few months. Then I had a short lived purging phase.  I loved being 21 because I'd always get so drunk I'd puke...this meant losing weight...and although it sucked getting drunk and the hangover...seeing the numbers fall on the scale gave me a euphoric feeling.

Although this past summer I ate decently while being up on the mountain (after all...my purpose of moving there was to get healthy...and healthy food was provided 3 times a day), I remember the summer prior when I was lucky if I ate 1 meal a day.   I remember the days I'd go without having breakfast, hop on my bike and ride 10 miles to do housekeeping work for one my elderly ladies.  Most days while there, I would have a piece of toast..while on other days I'd make a turkey sandwich. I'd then ride 10 miles back to my other job where I'd prepare my disabled women I took care of with snacks and dinner...and still barely eat anything myself.  I don't know how I did it, but I did.


For the past two years, I'd partake in doing the Master Cleanse multiple times a year, which helped me lose weight..but made me look sick.  A lot of this had to do with the fact, that I didn't stick to this diet as one "should"...aka I'd ingest less than the recommended amount.  However, to me, I thought I looked healthier than ever.  To me..seeing bones meant beauty.

So, overall, throughout the years, I never had the greatest eating patterns. I was queen of skipping meals and stuffing my face with candy..especially chocolate to overcompensate for the missed meals..so not only was I a restricter, but a binger as well. It didn't help at all when I'd get depressed..which usually occurred around October and last till May.  Being depressed never helped because I'd stop eating (even chocolate)...1 meal a day would consider to be enough for me.  So with all of this... I was also queen of getting sick and ending up in the hospital a few times...surprise surprise.


So this week, I started on the emotional eating track.  When I arrive to therapy, there are 4 different types of food I pick to eat for the day, which includes fat, carbs, and protein.  Some examples of my breakfast include: oatmeal, cottage cheese, apple and a banana.  We are to eat every single item on this menu. We have from 9:30 to 10:15 to finish. If we don't finish...we have to stay for extended meal.  If we still don't finish with the extended meal, it will be marked in our chart and we meet with either the dietician or therapist.  For lunch, we then have a selected meal, which again is a requirement to finish.  The dietician then helps us select a meal plan for dinners.


The following is a brief overview of what emotional eating is:
Emotional eating is something that occurs in eating disorders...it's not a disorder in of itself.  Most problems are prompted by feelings rather than physical hunger. Eating disorders have been connected with what's called alexithymia.  This is the inability to identify feelings as well as having difficulty discriminating between physical sensations and emotions.   People can also develop eating disorders when they try to escape or soothe an emotional experience by preoccupying themselves with food or obsessing over their shape and weight. 

 People who have disordered eating patterns tend to have high demands of themselves along with high levels of self awareness.  Since expectations are so high, they become increasingly aware of perceived inadequacies which lead to feelings of inadequacy.  With this, people may either increase or decrease their eating as a result of distress.  Overall, binging and restricting food is used as a way to manage emotions.

In future posts, I write about any information in this program that I find helpful.