In a previous blog (Taming the wild horse) I spoke about DBT skills and how to decrease the negative behavior of impulsivity by using Distress Tolerance skills. (In the blog, I also talked about needing to peel back the layers of an onion with impulsivity being the outer layer). During the past few weeks, I've been using these skills and they helped tremendously with reducing my SI's and other impulsive thoughts and actions. Now that I have been shedding the outer layer bit by bit, I am now faced with the second layer of this onion, which is working on decreasing my labile emotions (also known as mood swings). Highly sensitive people are connected strongly to their right brain and tend to experience labile emotions and are very reactive Some people may even experience incongruent reactions; meaning their expressions don't match the feelings (examples used in therapy include: laughing at a funeral).
Even though I am a highly sensitive person, I find having emotions awful and I wish I were a robot. Okay, okay, you got me. Distorted thought and judgement alert!!!!! Let me rephrase. I find that having emotions causes too much vulnerability which allows me to be more susceptible to being hurt and having pain and, therefore, I'd prefer to be a robot. When I stated this in therapy, I was told by my therapist that being a robot wouldn't help because I am wishful thinking (distorted thinking) and not radically accepting what is (I'm a human). I couldn't help but say..."Argh...I can't win." My therapist then stated that I can win because there is hope for me: highly sensitive people can learn to balance their emotions through emotion regulation skills (it just takes a lot of work).
People who are highly sensitive are at risk for impulsivity, which is why it's so important to learn how to manage/regulate emotions. Highly sensitive people tend to think only with an emotional mindset (right brain) and with this, experience intense emotions that may lead to unhealthy choices and cause physical health issues. Intense emotions leads to high stress (racing heart, fast breathing, muscle tension etc) and intense choices (choices we may regret due to the impulsive action we take to help soothe/cope with the intensity of the emotion). A lot of this is due to the fact that highly sensitive people have a hard time with expressing their emotions. Another reason why irrational choices are made is because thinking with an emotional mind blocks out intuitive, creative, flexible, and value-based thinking. This causes one to lose focus due to the fact that he/she becomes distracted with the emotional tangents.
In order to help regulate the intensity of the emotion, there needs to be a healthy perspective (non distorted thoughts) on emotions. Some healthy perspectives include the following:
Remind yourself that you cannot get rid of emotions because they are a naturally-occurring response to situations and serve as important survival functions. Emotions can be self validating. Our emotional reactions to other people and to events can give us information about the situation. Emotions can be signals or alarms that something is happening. Emotions prepare us for action in important situations, especially when experiencing danger. When we feel the onset of danger, our built in response of fight, flight, submit, freeze and attach will come into play thanks to our emotions.
Emotions are neither good or bad, right or wrong; they just are feelings that exist. Judging emotions intensify the emotions, which is not beneficial. (One who experiences anxiety may judge it as being bad and cause themselves to have further anxiety which will lead to a panic attack)
It is important to understand the difference between having an emotion and doing something or acting on the emotion. When a strong emotion comes, remind yourself not to act on it; instead recognize the emotion and allow yourself to feel it. You will notice that every emotion has its peak and its valley.
It's important to ride out the emotion; let it come, ride it, and let it go. No matter what you are feeling, it will eventually come and go and another one will take its place.
Avoid avoiding the emotion. It will come back to bite you in the ass.
Emotions are not facts. Although they may be intense and strong and appear as such, they are not. (For example, just because you feel stupid does not mean you are stupid).
Emotions allow us to communicate to others; Facial expressions are a hard-wired part of emotions. Facial expressions communicate like words. Whether we attend to or not, the communication of emotions influence others.
Emotions motivate our behavior. The action urge connected to specific emotions is often hard-wired.
Other ways to help with regulating emotions is by reducing vulnerability to negative emotions. To help stay out of the emotional mind it is important to follow the "PLEASE MASTER" SKILL.
PLEASE MASTER stands for the following:
Treat PhysicaL illness- Your body/mind is your temple, take care of it.
Balance Eating
Avoid mood-Altering drugs
Balance Sleep
Get Exercise
Build MASTERy: Try to do one thing a day to make yourself feel competent and in control.
Build positive experience with short term and long term goals.
For short term- do things that are possible now. Increase pleasant events that prompt positive emotions. Do ONE thing each day
For Long term- make changes in your life so that positive events will occur more often. Build a life worth living. Work toward goals by listing small steps toward goals and then take the firsts steps.
Be mindful of the positive experiences:
Focus attention on positive events that happen
Refocus on positive when your mind wanders to negative
Practice showing compassion to emotion
Don't judge the emotion
Practice willingness- allowing the emotion to be what it is.
Radially accept your emotion.
Use Opposite of Negative Emotions Skills
- When experiencing anger
- Rather than attacking, gently avoid the person you are angry with until you're in a wise mind state to confront them.
- Attempt to do something nice for others. Sometimes when we are angry we tend to lash out at other people due to the fact someone else made us angry, which then creates a domino effect. Instead, attempt to do the opposite of emotion and be kind to others. Kindness and compassion goes a long way.
2. When experiencing Sadness/Depression
- Get ACTIVE!!!
3. When you feel guilt or shame (example: for saying something mean to somebody or for doing what the dogs did below)
- Repair the transgression: Apologize; attempt to make things better (do something nice for the person you offended or something nice to someone else if that's not possible)
- Commit to not making that mistake again
- Accept the consequences gracefully
- Approach
- Do what you are afraid of doing Over, Over and Over again
Thank you for reading!
Please note: A lot of this information was provided from my partial hospitalization program and is based on Marsh Linehan's work.
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